The Problem with Mental Toughness | with Mindset Coach Zoe Sayetta
Zoe Sayetta is a Mental Performance Coach. You can book a session with her here. Follow her on Instagram.
Sticks and Stones
“Mental Toughness.” The term is used in sport to describe the quality of an athlete who is adept at using mental skills to access their physical potential.
These athletes are resilient to adversity, stay motivated through the monotony of long, arduous training cycles and are skilled at regulating performance anxiety. All enviable traits for an athlete to possess.
So, what’s the problem?
My issue is not with the concept, but with the term. What is the opposite of toughness? Weakness.
As a coach, I ask myself what I’m signifying when I tell an athlete they need to become more mentally “tough.” There’s a clear implication that hangs in the negative space of that statement -- the absence of toughness suggests the presence of weakness. That alone is enough of a reason for me to stay away from that term in my coaching and opt for more precise language when discussing an athlete’s skills.
Precise language and thoughtful delivery are hallmarks of excellent communication – a skill that every coach should aim to hone. Whether I’m coaching one of my youth athletes, counseling a sport psych client or just climbing with friends, I am aware of the power my words hold, and the ways in which seemingly harmless comments can be internalized.
Sticks and stones may break your bones, and it turns out words can fundamentally change the way you see yourself and shift your behavior over time.
Finetuning Feedback: An Appraisal of Praise
We can all take for granted that blatant criticism is not productive, but it turns out that if not given thoughtfully, praise can be just as harmful.
When doling out praise, think about what qualities you are reinforcing. I often think about the words and phrases that get thrown around the climbing gym by members and coaches alike. The one that stands out the most to me is “Wow, you make that look so easy!” Flattering? For sure! Harmless? Not really.
Think about what is being lauded here – it’s the ease. We are communicating that the value of the send comes from the ease with which they sent it. A climber who learns to implicitly value making something look easy, will be motivated to avoid doing anything that makes them look like they are trying hard.
Don’t get me wrong, there is nuance here, and it’s entirely possible that an athlete who receives that feedback will be able to parse the nuance and understand that what is impressive is their ability to refine a difficult task to make it appear easy.
But for every athlete that can see that nuance, there are two more who internalize that statement to mean that they should never be caught trying hard. The consequence of which is a long career of protecting the ego and the image others have of you, or that you have developed of yourself.
Maybe you only pull on to climbs you know you can send with grace, or conversely, climbs that are so outside of your abilities, failure is guaranteed. But getting caught trying hard on a grade within your range? Absolutely not.
A good rule of thumb is to focus praise on aspects of performance that the athlete has control over, rather than inherent qualities. Celebrating efforts, creativity and commitment to a long-term goal will empower athletes to make positive change because they can directly impact all those qualities.
Myths and Legends
While the feedback we receive from others is important in shaping our perceptions of self, there is nothing more pervasive and influential than the voices in our own heads.
At the end of the day, you can leave your training partner at the gym, tune out your coaches and chalk up the gym-bro’s comments as bruised ego. But your own thoughts? Virtually inescapable.
The stories we tell ourselves about ourselves have enormous impacts on our behavior, and even our core beliefs of who we are.
What myths have you internalized about yourself and how do they change your behavior? Do they change how you approach a goal? What boundaries have you placed on yourself with these absolute statements? How can we stop these myths from calcifying into core beliefs?
Next time you’re climbing, observe the narrative you have when things get challenging, or when fear creeps it’s way in. Notice the patterns that arise.
Maybe you avoid the steeper wall angles because you’ve told yourself you’re a slab climber for so long. Maybe you avoid the Kilter board because “you’re not strong enough for that”.
The first step to changing your narrative is becoming aware of it – observe your self-talk and its impact on your behavior, then make changes where necessary.
You get to write your own narrative, be the hero of your own story, and make that story into a legend.